You know what I am good at? Excuses. You know what I can’t afford to have anymore? Excuses.
Okay being a working and full time mama is a great enough excuse to take it easy and I recommend all new mamas give themselves some grace. However, I gave myself more than enough grace to not start putting in some work and seeing some progress, so I needed to up my game. I’m a natural cheerleader, rooting my friends and even strangers I’ve never met. However, that same energy just wasn’t there from me, to me. You know the type, good at giving advice to others and often a hot mess in that department themselves. You know what I’m saying…
I appreciate that for most areas of my life, they have already reached their sustainable point, the mundane or routine habits that you’ve built over many years. No problems there. Add in what looks like a mountain too tall to climb, a river to wide to cross and I buckle. I tend to get started and as soon as I see an inch of progress, its followed by a mile of backtrack. Going back to what is familiar and celebrating my successes too soon. The quiet progress is usually the best progress. However sometimes we need to make some noise so we can get some help. This is where I found and hired a coach.
There’s so much to be said about a coaches and what they have to offer.
1. They’re Not Your Friend
That’s curt, dry and very direct, but I appreciate that. Not to say a friendship can’t develop as a result, but starting out this way can set you up for success in a way some friendship networks just can’t. No matter how much we love and want what our friends want for themselves, because of the close bond in friendships we often fear losing the relationship if we cross a boundary that may deeply hurt them. Our friends don’t want our criticism, our constant eye on what they said they’d do vs. what they actually did unless y’all got it like that. Most of the times friends want to be able to be each others solace, safe zone and unconditionally supportive. Of course this doesn’t count for awful human behavior that consistently harms others. For softer more harmless things though, surely friendships are a place where we will be held accountable within the constraints of comfort with the other person.
2. They’re Persistent and Consistent
Part of making any habit stick is being relentless during the pursuit and staying at it. For coaches, that is their job. To stay on you, keep up with you and your progress. I remember week 1 I promised my coach I would text her every day for accountability sake. I didn’t even though I was doing most of my activities. Nonetheless, she continued to reach out and not in a pestering type of way but just to “check in”. It was gentle enough to feel like she was understanding but enough to remind me I wasn’t even honoring my own commitment.
3. It’s a Psychological Thing But Not In That Way
When I pursued therapy in the past, it had its place and was pretty helpful in getting to the root of my issues and bringing them to surface to work on them. In trying to creat better habits, coaches help you plant and grow new roots now that you have made space in your garden.
4. Beyond Setting Goals, They Push to Action
There will often be barriers to your success until you get those out of the way. They try to help you understand what those are. Beyond continuing to complain or ruminate, they help you come up with an actionable plan to help move you forward. This I appreciate too. Complaining about the same ole thing gets old, especially if you are not taking action to remove barriers. They will remind you of your barriers and using the methods above, help you push forward. It was really through my coach who used a different type of “ear” than a therapist would, I said “girl get out of your own way”! One example I gave her was when we discussed me tracking what I ate in a day. I was honest and said, if I ate a bag of chips I wouldn’t log it because I am in control of what I’m tracking. She was like “well who are you hurting when you do this and who wants to make change?” It was the type of tough love I needed and I appreciated that!
5. Timing and Price Was Right
Coaches are a small investment, but I could waste that money away on perpetuating the bad habits I’m trying to resolve. It’s a much better use of my disposable income. Also, even though I am a new mama I have time. Virtual or zoom calls don’t take long and I have space for this in my life because I’ve made space.
Overall, we are all motivated by different things for different areas of our lives. For example, I am highly intrinsically motivated in many areas in my life, but because I know myself, I knew this was one area I needed some external motivation-so I acted on that knowing. Some of us might be lucky enough to gain this type of help in more simple ways such as check ins with friends, social media, family members and the like. For others though, if you find you’re consistently inconsistent about meeting and sticking to your goals, consider a coach. I’m fortunate that even social media has a few! While I decided to chose someone local to where I live, don’t discount the power of an online coach. One I did find online and would hire in a heartbeat if all my criteria were met in her (literally distance and the fact that I needed more than just health related goals met, was it) is RNThriving. Thats her Instagram handle. Her focus is on fitness and nutrition. My current coach and I are working on more goals than that at the moment, but what’s most important is you knowing exactly what you need and finding that in someone you vibe with to help get you from where you are to where you want to be. We all have greatness within us, and there’s no shame in allowing someone else to be part of that journey to help us get to it and see it within ourselves too.